remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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