She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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