youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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