He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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