If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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