I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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