On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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