I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize