"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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