He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
