I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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