you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize