i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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