Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
