You tried to poop in the sink last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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