yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize