I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize