They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize