I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize