i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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