i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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