Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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