I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Randomize