The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize