I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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