dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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