the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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