I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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