I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize