You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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