Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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