dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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