Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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