there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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