I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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