we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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