It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I color on your dick again?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize