No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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