So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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