this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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