final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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