So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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