the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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