Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize