my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize