Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
