He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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