My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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