Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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