And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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