Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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